


hold me in the dark, turn the lights down

by gdgeoff



Category: Crewniverse (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Slow Dancing, Soft boys being soft, side d420!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-04 21:40:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14602296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gdgeoff/pseuds/gdgeoff
Summary: Shadow isn’t soft, won’t ever be soft, but he finds himself looking at Side, and not Joel and his wife while they’re doing their vows.He’s fucked. Completely fucked, and he doesn’t know if he can do anything about it.or, the “shadow and side dancing at joel’s wedding” au





	hold me in the dark, turn the lights down

**Author's Note:**

> joel’s tos video where they mention side and shadow taking a photo and hugging inspired this
> 
> this is really bad, but good enough to post so :) enjoy 
> 
> title is from arizona’s “electric touch”

No matter where, Side still manages to try his hardest to bug Shadow in every possible way—it’s nothing major, nothing Shadow can’t handle, nor is used to. 

It starts off with Side hugging Shadow a little too close, too tight.

In the back of his mind, it doesn’t bother him.

He mentally curses at himself. He shouldn’t like the feeling of his best friend’s arm wrapped around him; he really shouldn’t, but he allows it to happen.

Side pulls away, a smile already pulling on his lips.

Shadow can’t help but stare; he feels too much at once, it hurts his head—he doesn’t know why, but he softly smiles back at him.

He sees Side’s eyes light up, and, yeah, he’s feeling too much for someone he shouldn’t.

Side’s hand lingers on Shadow’s shoulder. His shirt is grasped inbetween Side’s fingers, and Shadow can’t lie and say he isn’t disappointed when the feeling is gone.

The warmth is gone.

Shadow tries not to feel the disappointment for too long, because next he’s hugging Joel—it’s nice, he loves his friends, but the hug with him doesn’t make him feel the things he does with Side. 

He sighs.

It’s too much.

—

Next, it’s Side asking Shadow to take a picture with him.

“There is absolutely no—“  

Side interrupts him with his laughter. “Shadow, come on, have fun. Please!”

Shadow looks at him, the disappointment showing tremendously. It should make Side shut up, to stop, but it doesn’t; he’s Sidearms, so he giggles.

“Fine, one fucking picture. After this I’m never talking to you again.”

The picture is dumb, too dumb—the internet isn’t ever going to see it, probably, but he’s still worried someone will eventually find it.

He realizes he doesn’t care.

Side has a bright grin on his face—it’s too much, way too much—with his arm wrapped around Shadow’s shoulder. Shadow really tried his hardest not to look upset because Side is a total jackass, but it fails.

“That’s so perfect!”

Side looks over the picture. Shadow does nothing but sigh; it makes Side laugh again.

Shadow decides he’s done trying to hide his feelings from himself when Side sends the photo to the chat that night—it makes his heart swell, and he decides it’s not normal.

It’s really not normal to feel this way about your best friend.

He falls asleep trying to ignore everything around him.

—

It’s not a surprise when he wakes up the next morning, his phone swarming with messages from the guys.

It’s about the photo, because of course it is.

**_speedy: OMG LOOOOOL SIDE YOU DIDN’T_ **

**_jahova: omg_ **

**_joel: that’s so PERFECT_ **

**_side: I TOLD YOU SHED_ **

He can’t help but sigh, sending back messages about how much he hates Side, how much he wishes he never had even taken the picture.

Deep down, he’s completely wrong. The photo is fine—he doesn’t mind the photo, it’s just the fact that it made him confirm his feelings.

He doesn’t want that.

He doesn’t want his feelings to be confirmed.

—

The guys try to compare his and Side’s height in an elevator.

They’re standing next to each other, coincidentally. Side is leaning towards Shadow and it’s Joel who points it out.

“Is Side taller than Shadow? What?” 

Shadow shakes his head.

“Fuck no.” 

Side starts giggling, straightening himself up to try to compare. Shadow just sighs, trying to ignore him.

“Come on, Shed,” he pries. “Let’s compare!”

Shadow can’t resist it, no matter how hard he tries. He straightens himself up, too, and Joel gasps sarcastically.

“He is! Oh my God!”

“That’s not true, fuck off—“

“It’s cause you’re wearing a hat, you cheater.”

Shadow turns to Side, who’s close—way too close. He swallows thickly, but notices for the first time this trip that wow, Side is a bit taller than him. He didn’t even notice that he has to look up at him, just slightly, to talk to him. 

Side smiles. He’s so gentle with everything, it drives Shadow insane.

It’s different seeing his smile in front of him other than on camera. It’s so different—this time, it makes him feel everything. He hates it. But loves it, secretly.

Joel makes sure to tell everyone after.

—

The weekend goes well, other than that.

Shadow is genuinely happy for Joel—he’s always been his favorite (no one tell Speedy, or Side, probably)—and he’s glad he got to see his friends again.

Not Side. Definitely not Side.

The wedding goes nicely.  

Shadow isn’t soft, won’t ever be soft, but he finds himself looking at Side, and not Joel and his wife while they’re doing their vows.

He’s fucked. Completely fucked, and he doesn’t know if he can do anything about it.

Side notices, and turns to Shadow. His face is full of something he can’t tell—confusion, maybe, maybe something different—but it goes away quickly, a gentle smile on his lips.

It’s different than usual.

Shadow lifts the corner of his mouth up.

Side bites his lip, trying to cover his smile widening, then turns away.

It makes Shadow’s heart speed up too much—he turns his his attention away from the younger man and towards Joel, the person he should be paying attention to.

The after party is where it gets relatively worse.

Not worse as in bad, but, worse as in his feelings.

Half of the guys are drunk off their asses. Shadow isn’t one; hasn’t really ever been a fan of drinking too much. He has one beer, and joins them in making fun of Side for being underaged.

Joel is drunk, surprising, really.

Not shit faced, but it’s pretty bad.

Shadow watches his friends with an amused expression; Side is also, a smile dancing across his lips that Shadow finds himself staring at for far too long.

His head is rested on D20’s shoulder. It’s cute, honestly, and Shadow tries not to feel too jealous when it’s not his shoulder, but pushes those thoughts back immediately.

Deluxe comes towards the three of them, a huge grin on his face—he’s too drunk, Shadow notices, and they all notice it when he reaches his hands out. “Let’s go D20, man, we gotta dance!”

Side whines when D20 let’s Deluxe drag him towards the center of the floor. It’s just them, now; it’s not really awkward, but Shadow can’t stop his head from swarming.

They watch Deluxe and D20 dance horribly. It’s mostly Deluxe grabbing and flailing D20’s arms all around—he looks back at the both of them, a pleading look on his face. Shadow lightly chuckles.

That seems to pull Side’s attention towards him.

“Aren’t they cute?”

Shadow’s eyes pull from the Deluxe brothers to Side, who he was really trying to avoid. “Sure, they’re cute.”

He means it. They’re adorable—doesn’t know how they haven’t fucked yet; knowing them, they probably have.

He watches them again. Closely, this time, just to see.

It’s more than obvious. The small smiles that Deluxe sends to D20 feel to familiar, they’re soft, and Shadow can see the love spread cross D20’s features.

It makes him sick because he knows he looks at Side the same.

When he looks back at Side, he’s looking right back.

Side’s eyes flicker down to his lips, then up—it’s too much, God, it’s way too much; he can’t be here anymore. He wants to leave, but he can’t. He has to sit here and suffer.

Just like the movies; right when Side’s about to open his mouth to speak, a slow song suddenly comes on. It makes Shadow freeze, and he definitely knows what’s coming. 

Side is up immediately. “Shed! Oh my God, we have to!”

“No, Side. We don’t.”

He makes a face at him, a face he can’t resist.

Shadow bites his lip.

“You have to do it, Shadow, to shut his ass up,” Speedy interrupts them, an amusing smile on his face. Shadow sighs, because seriously, Side is making him do this.

And Speedy knows, Speedy encourages it.

Shadow wastes a few seconds sighing, but finally complies, declining Side’s hand that’s reached out for him.

He’s not D20. They’re not the Deluxe brothers. 

Side looks disappointed, but he’s looking at Shadow like he’s the entire world when they’re close; Shadow tries to keep his distance, but, it’s hard. 

“Come on,” Side whispers, his voice lower than the song playing. It’s soft—fuck, if Shadow wasn’t so whipped, he’d be able to resist it. 

But he can’t.

He thinks, fuck it, taking Side’s hand and tries to fall into step with Side’s movements. He’s never slow danced before; it’s absolutely not his thing, he’s never danced in his life.

Side’s hands are warm against his. Side is smiling gently, his eyes down at their feet, trying not to step on his toes. He fails, obviously, because he’s Side, and he’s and clumsiest fuck in the whole world.

Side wraps his arms around Shadow’s waist. It surprises Shadow—he freezes, not knowing what to do, but Side calms him down. His touch isn’t hesitant, it’s like he knows what he’s doing.

“Have you danced before?”

Side giggles quietly. “Fuck to the no, this just feels...easy, with you. I’m sorry if that sounded bad.”

Shadow visibly relaxes. It takes him a few seconds of hesitation, but he wraps his arms around Side’s neck, the height difference noticeable.

He’d complain about it, but it seems appropriate.

“No,” says Shadow, trying to keep his face distant. “That’s not bad. I, uh, get that.”

Side smiles, nodding his head.

Shadow thinks about his situation.

He’s dancing, here, at Joel’s wedding, with Side. Side, someone he’s been known to hate for years—the man he can’t stop thinking about, the man who takes over his thoughts.

His arms are around his waist. It feels nice, and he can’t ever complain. He hates himself for liking it; he likes his arms around Side’s neck, too.

It sounds horrible. Really, it does.

Shadow tries really hard to keep his eyes away from Side’s. It’s a trap—he’ll fall, he’ll fall too hard and he’ll notice, and he doesn’t want to. 

This is okay. This is okay, this is all okay.

Except it’s not when Side makes him look at him. He has a smile on his lips, it’s too perfect, and Shadow can’t help but roam his eyes all around them.

“Side—“

“Shut up,” says Side. He doesn’t do anything more than press their foreheads together—Shadow doesn’t complain, just mentally freaks out, but he’s okay.

It’s always him with the confidence. Side’s always the nervous one, the one who stutters, who can’t find words. He feels pathetic when he realizes that’s what’s happening. This is how Side feels.

Shadow slips his eyes closed, slowly relaxing.

Side notices the relaxation, tightening his grip on Shadow’s waist. Shadow sighs moving his head from his forehead to his shoulder; he feels so comfortable, he never wants to leave.

Until it ends.

And his friends are drinkingly cursing and yelling, pointing out the fact that Side and Shadow—yes, Side and Shadow—were dancing; even worse, slow dancing.

He pulls apart quickly, clearing his throat.

“Holy fuck,” Deluxe says, stunned. “Wow, did that—“

“Yep,” Speedy confirms. “That happened. Totally happened.”

Shadow pulls away, clearing his throat again and scratches the back of his neck. Side is dazed, his cheeks flushed, eyes full of embarrassment.

“Holy—D20! Hey! Did you get that!”

D20’s laughter fills throughout his ears, lifting his phone up in amusement, shaking it back and forth.

Shadow sighs, Side giggles, ducking his head.

He hates his friends. 

—  

The video spreads around the group chat for a while.

For a while, in other words, for the whole night. D20 sends it immediately—no one checking it for a few hours until afterwards, but it still blows up.  

Shadow can’t help but watch it a few times; he can’t stop watching at the way Side is looking down on Shadow when he lays his head on Side’s shoulder. 

The way they move, the way they fit together.

The thoughts are pushed back.

—

Side basically threatens to release the video of them dancing together just to get a ride to the airport.

Okay, realistically, Shadow knows he won’t release it. But he’s whipped, and he wants to drive Side to the airport, so he allows it. The way Side’s face lights and softens up is worth it. 

The car ride is quiet. 

Side’s head is rested against the window, his fingers silently drumming on his thighs to the beat of any song that comes on the radio.

Shadow’s eyes sometimes wander to his fingers, his thighs, and he scolds himself. He smiles to himself sometimes when he hums along, too, and he just...doesn’t mind anymore. 

His feelings aren’t going anywhere.

He’s fine as long as he doesn’t out himself.

Side notices his eyes once, and they meet—it makes Shadow’s throat go dry and he looks away, trying to dismiss it. It seems to work. 

He certainly doesn’t miss Side’s small smirk.

When they arrive to the airport, his heart sinks. He finally realizes that Side is leaving, he’s leaving—he doesn’t want it, he wants to stay here with Side. He’d stay anywhere with him.

Before Side leaves the car, he smiles over at Shadow 

“Thanks, man,” Side interrupts the silence. “I love you.”

God, if Side knew how those words meant to him.

Shadow, being the complete dumbass he is, grabs Side’s arm before he could leave. Side looks back at him, his face full of confusion, but it changes when Shadow leans in closer.

“Oh.” 

Shadow bites his lip. Side’s eyes flicker down, then back up—it kills him. “I—“

Shadow shuts him up by kissing him.

Side hums against his lips, but picks it up quickly—he presses his lips against Shadow, opening and allowing Shadow’s lips to fall in rhythm with his.

Side’s hand comes to Shadow’s shoulders, keeping both of them steady.

Shadow wants more so badly. But he can’t, it’s already a lot. 

When he pulls back, Side has a grin on his lips. 

“Did I just, like, confirm your gayness?”

Shadow groans, releasing his arm. “You ruin everything.”

Side’s smile widens, pressing his lips softly against his again. Shadow responds immediately; he can’t help it, fuck, it feels like everything is coming together.

The goodbye is hard.

Side hugs him tightly. It’s not as awkward as their first hug; it’s better this time, Shadow never wants to let go, he wants to stay here forever. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” Side whispers when they pull apart, his voice muffled against his shoulder. He can’t seem to pull completely apart. Shadow understands.

“Course not, man,” responds Shadow. Then, accidentally:

“I love you.”

Side’s eyes meet his. There’s a look, like he’s realizing everything, slowly. Shadow didn’t even mean to say it; he doesn’t care, really, just stays quiet and waits.  

Eventually, Side smiles. It’s different than his others.  

It’s full of love. Love. Shadow’s stomach drops.

“I love you. Have a nice flight, Shed. I’ll miss you.”  

He’s Side, so, of course, he pecks him on the cheek.

Shadow glares at him.  

He doesn’t want to let go. It’s a minute before he does, his fingers are gently pressed against his wrist—it’s too hard to let go. Side feels the same, his hand going from his shoulder to down his arm.

Shadow feels every kind of disappointment when his touch is gone.

“You too, Side,” Shadow says. “I’ll miss you. I guess.”

It’s good enough for Side.

He watches him go, feeling too much.

He sighs.

He already misses him.

His phone dings a few seconds later, a small chuckle escaping his lips and he shakes his head, reading the message over and over. It means so much to him. 

**_side: miss you :(((x_ **


End file.
